Talking to Your Husband about Becoming a Stay-At-Home-Mom
Finding the Best Way to Communicate to Your Spouse about Becoming a Stay-At-Home-Mom
When is the Best Time to Talk to Your Husband about Wanting to be a Stay-At-Home Mother?
Honestly, the best time to bring this up is BEFORE you even get married. For me, I would even consider this first date material. Do you love Jesus? Yes? Ok, good. Will you be up for me staying home with our children and you being the main provider? Yes? Ok, let’s get married. Kidding, kidding. I mean, kind of. It is just so important, that for me I wasn’t even interested in dating if the answer was no. I already knew WHY I wanted to stay home, now I just needed to make sure we were on the same page.
Back when Matt and I were dating this is something that we talked about very early on. I asked him if he wanted me to stay home when we started having babies. His answer, thankfully, was, absolutely. He actually was raised by a stay-at-home-mom, so that made it easier. Being able to talk about the future, and being on the same team, was imperative.
However, I know that isn’t everyone’s circumstance. Some husbands are more reluctant of the unknown, or fear of failure, or pressure to provide. Dropping an entire salary IS scary, so it’s ok to acknowledge that. Our family did have ups and downs with finances too.
How to Have ‘The Talk’
Transitioning to a single income is not just a financial decision; it’s actually more of a dramatic lifestyle change that requires so much from each person involved.
Approach the conversation with an open heart and mind. Choose a time when both of you can sit down without distractions and express your thoughts and feelings. Begin by sharing your reasons for considering the shift to one income and be receptive to your spouse’s perspectives.
Discuss your shared long-term goals and aspirations. Understand each other’s priorities and values. Are you both ready to make potentially uncomfortable, and drastic changes to your current lifestyle to make this work?
It’s natural for your spouse to have concerns or questions about the shift to a single primary income. Address these concerns empathetically and see if you can provide practical solutions.
Work together to create a new budget that reflects your decision to live on one income. Involve your spouse in the budgeting process, allowing them to contribute ideas and preferences. This collaborative effort fosters a sense of shared responsibility and commitment.
Highlight the importance of teamwork in navigating the challenges and joys of living on a single income. Reassure your spouse that you are a team working towards a common goal. Encourage open communication about financial matters and regularly revisit your budget and goals together.
The Biggest Piece of Advice
And here comes my best piece of advice. If you do decide to be a single income family. Start right away, even if you don’t have any children. Put whatever income you make into savings or towards debt repayment. Start living off of just the income of the person who will be the sole provider, while there are still TWO incomes, and you will start to see any cracks and holes that need to be adjusted.
You are a Team
Just remember that you are your husband are a team. You simply cannot do this life without the other person. Talk, and pray about this decision, because there are huge changes ahead for both of you. This is not a decision to be taken lightly.
If Your Finances and/or Relationships are Complicated
If the transition to one income involves complex financial considerations, consider seeking professional advice. Consult a financial planner or advisor who can provide objective insights and help you both make informed decisions. Dave Ramsey offers excellent books and workbooks for couples that have significant debt or other financial setbacks. His books are easily found at the library, and often churches will have workshops specifically for this topic. If communication in the relationship is strained it may be advised to seek out assistance from a pastoral counselor.
What Questions to Ask Your Husband If You Want to Become a Stay-At-Home-Mother
There are so many great questions to ask. I made a list of nine questions to really get to the heart of the issue. Some of these questions are HARD to ask, and HARD to answer. But, just because some of the questions are hard, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be asked. Grab your questions here:
I can see reasons for a woman to be a homemaker before having kids. However, I can see even more reasons to do wage work until being a stay-at-home mother. The best choice for each couple will vary, and personal preference is especially important when choosing. If there’s a lot of work at home, such as homesteading, a recent move and lots of unpacking to do, etc., then that’s a full plate. But it’s hard to argue with a year or two’s extra salary before the work at home includes a baby. That extra $40-80k or whatever would make a nice financial cushion for a midwife and doula, unexpected medical expenses, a maid service during early postpartum, extra unpaid paternity leave, etc. – all things that can positively affect the childbearing and family bonding experience. I do think staying at home is by far the best decision for most mothers of young children. But before children, I don’t see the pros of staying home outweighing the cons so overwhelmingly that I would feel confident advising all women on which choice is likely best.